‘What in Botox hell is this?’: America brutally trashes Australia’s MAFS stars ahead of premiere
How very dare they.
The stars of the US version of Married At First Sight along with the general American public have lashed out from across the Pacific and completely trashed Australia’s esteemed version of the controversial dating show.
The Channel 9 series that aired in Oz earlier this year is set to premiere in the States next week. Yep, everyone from New York to Texas will be enjoying the highbrow offering that reached its climax with a toilet toothbrush scandal. Ooft, we all kinda forgot about that incident, huh? I love that we live in a world where even Oprah will now know about David scrubbing Hayley’s toothbrush in the whiz palace.
The series doesn’t even premiere over there until next Wednesday but, after just a few promos that have aired, Americans have already made it clear the import is not welcome. Viewers as well as the stars of the US version of the series have basically reacted the same way Mel Schilling did when Bronson called Ines a big ol’ C-word in 2019. That’s a very referential way of saying: the US is absolutely disgusted with us.
Two of the US contestants kicked off the sledging in the comments section on Instagram.
“Ewwwww,” AJ Vollmoeller wrote under a post featuring photos of the Aussie couples. “This needs to be kept on the other side of the world. It’s a very fake version of MAFS, nothing genuine about it. Scripted!”
The hide! The only thing that’s fake about Australia’s Married At First Sight is Lizzie’s hair. And Stacey’s … well, everything. And basically everyone’s teeth. And lips. OK, fine, there are a lot of things that are fake about our MAFS stars. But only we’re allowed to make those jokes. It’s just like when someone says something mean about your family – only you’re allowed to dish out those kinds of comments. It’s called manners!
Another US contestants Jamie Otis also piped up in the comments to sledge us.
“I heard the Australian version is bonkers,” she wrote. “Like, couples switch partners, etc. I’m glad we keep it more simple and real here in America. And our couples – well, *most* of our couples – are married because they genuinely want true love/marriage. But I def wanna watch this version because I’ve heard it’s absolutely nutty.”
How rude, drawing such assumptions! I have no doubt Stacey and Tash and all those other bozos went on with the purest of intentions. Besides, couple-switching is probably the least offensive thing that happens on our version. Again, may we refer to the toothbrush.
Lifetime, the network that’s set to air the Aussie series, has been posting up a storm on their Instagram account about the big premiere. And the American people have also been dragging us.
“We did not ask for this,” someone commented below a picture of our respected experts, Mel Schilling, John Aiken and Dr Trisha Stratford.
“It’s a no from me dawg. Based off the previews of this show it looks like these couples are making a mockery of marriage,” someone else wrote. “Duh, that’s the point,” we replied back.
The American public also had some specific thoughts on individual contestants.
“I started to think this was a joke when I saw Steve who looks 75 and Mikey who looks 13,” a viewer wrote. Look, fair call. And wait until they find out about Steve’s weird compulsion to shave his hairline.
“Oh, doesn’t Stacey look like she’s someone special!” observed another commenter. We detect just a hint of sarcasm there.
“What in Botox hell is this!” wailed another.
Then when a promo video was posted showing Poppy, all the Americans couldn’t believe producers would include someone with kids.
“This is about to be a shit show … and they are involving kids in this! Oh yeah, I’m watching!” a commenter wrote.
“I can’t believe they’re gonna get kids involved in the chaos of this!” another added.
Should we feel bad we didn’t bat an eye when Poppy brought her twin boys into it? We made a bigger deal about Poppy having a cold sore that was so big it earned its own subplot.
“It looks like a hot mess,” someone declared. And thank you, we’ll take that as a compliment. Australia’s version of MAFS has – and always will be – a hot mess. America should strive for our standards.
I’d like to issue a formal plea to both Channel 9 and Endemol Shine, the production house behind the series: Please do not be discouraged by this criticism. We appreciate your art and hold it in high regard. The uncalled for abuse is coming from the same people who gave the world Two & A Half Men.
We’re happily rolling around in the gutter – come join us down here, America.